Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
