Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
