What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
