absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
