I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
