forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
