Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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