How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
