She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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