Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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