Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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