Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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