I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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