I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
