HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
