well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
