I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
