im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
