one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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