I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
