AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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