i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
