i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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