He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just gargled with NyQuil
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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