I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
