I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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