We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
