I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
