I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think a kid would responsible me up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
