Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
