She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
