I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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