evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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