In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
