i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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