I will die if light touches me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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