i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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