Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
