omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
