I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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