what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
