I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
