I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
