If that was your dad, he is hot
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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