Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
