As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
