Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
