Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
