Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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