ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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