no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
