i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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