hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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